What is Love?

Imagine two people, completely in love with each other, wanting to spend the rest of their lives with each other, yet feeling either claustrophobic or alternately uncomfortable with the other’s love.

Yep, I discovered much to my chagrin and loss, only recently, that different people love differently. That two people completely in love with each other can have completely different opinions of, expectations from, and expressions of, love itself!

I discovered that with Rachel and I discovered that with Scarlett. With Rachel it was a slow realisation, with Scarlett it hit me/us with a big whack-bang!

It troubled me to no end, and caused a lot of stress in our relationship – and perhaps is one of the key reasons why there’s so much trouble in paradise. Yes, really. When I honestly think about it, the starting point of all our problems comes from nothing else but our expectations around love and the way we love each other.

Then recently I read this post on Marriage Gems which suddenly brought this whole concept alive. The realisation of Passionate Love versus Romantic Love brought to the fore every reason of my dissatisfaction with Rachel and her dissatisfaction with me. It explained the ridiculously crazy arguments between Scarlett and I. Quite simply, we have different ways of loving each other – ironically, Rachel and Scarlett share the same style, and I exhibit the opposite one.

They’re both romantic lovers, and are very easy going. I am passionate and carry the baggage of anxiety and (as Scarlett points out) huge insecurities!

So this creates a lot of problems between us in our daily lives. Both Rachel and Scarlett are very powerful women, not just in their respective professions, but also as women, and as individuals. They are independent and free spirited, not tied down with responsibility, nor bogged down by anything.  They love family, have a large group of friends, they make the effort to socialise, and go out and stay connected with people.

I on the other hand, put ‘my love’ above, before and instead of everyone else. Given the limited time we have between work and responsibilities of kids and parents, I want my sweetheart’s full attention when we’re together. I yearn to be alone with her and not have to deal with others around. I want to just disconnect from everyone else, and spend every living moment of my life with her. That’s the only way I know to love someone. (This is the same guy cheating on his wife, right? Well yes, and I will talk about that in another post soon)

So is this reason enough to break up a marriage? And if the marriage is already over for more reasons that this; does this difference in love styles eliminate any future with Scarlett?

As odd as it sounds, I love and respect both the women in my life. Unfortunately, I only see history with one, and long for a future with the other. But even more unfortunately, I feel there is no future with either.

Because love has many dimensions, and if you’re both not in the same place, and not willing to find common ground, love is simply history.